Their Eyes Were Watching

The past few classes have left me with a mixed set of feelings. I find myself intrigued, overwhelmed, and confused - all at the same time. The three hours class sessions are a cerebral marathon, but I find myself craving more discussion and learning material. The sphinx that is civil law indulges me to solves its complex legal riddles, and my thirst for more scholarship feels insatiable. Two weeks of this exchange program is not enough, and I have already begun to miss my new aquaintances.

Naturally, my hectic life will continue stateside, and I may not return to Brasilia for some time. The thought pains my heart in a way I cannot describe with words. In the United States, I often felt isolated and invisible. My tuition payments opened doors to new worlds, yet I remained a foreigner. Here the worlds of knowledge and solidarity converge in the sunlit halls of UnB. Why am I overcome with feelings of open arms and acceptance in a place I must enter using a passport and a visa?

My mind revisits Zora and her lovely Janie, strolling into town in her dirty overalls. Janie left her station and expected lifestyle to face the storm. Is it possible that we all require some bad weather in order to arrive at the eye of solace? Once there, how does one remain in the eye? Or are we to understand that such peace and respite is meant to be temporary? Am I to garner strength in this moment only to say farwell to my Tea Cake? Should I spend this time preparing for a storm upon my return? How didi Janie find the courage to walk back to her path and take a seat?

There are laws I have learned and laws I am learning on this J.D. journey. Perhaps it is okay that I am not ideally situated, poised to respond in my classes with the perfect "how we do it with American law" response. Perhaps it is permissible that I am both enthralled and frightened by such knowledge, desiring both to swallow it in one taste and to deny my appetite for fear of intellectual gluttony. Rabid with racing thoughts on Brazilian private law, civil law history, and the upcoming days, I take my leave. 

The faculty advised us to "get lost" in this experience, and I am ready to fall ill to such an intense loss of control. Tomorrow, I will expect no cure, no perfect understanding . . . I seek only to be lost. As an A-type professional student, I am walking into a mental hurricane my trust as a guide. I trust that the importance I have placed on global engagement will be the raft upon which I drift towards a more profund passion for the law. Can further learning of a system to which I voluntarily submit be the key to unlocking the intracacies of balance self-governance?

Until tomorrow.